


Rewrite the Stars

by ShatteredSwallowtail



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, Romance, Telepathic Bond, The Doctor Being the Doctor (Doctor Who)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 07:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20542478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShatteredSwallowtail/pseuds/ShatteredSwallowtail
Summary: When the Doctor took the time vortex from Rose, he accidentally left something behind. Well, something besides a few huon particles, and he intends to make sure Rose never realizes it. Unfortunately - or fortunately, if you ask the Tardis - things have a tendancy to turn out the way they ought to, in spite of things. This is my first time writing anything Dr Who, so hopefully I managed to capture these two at least halfway decently.





	Rewrite the Stars

He didn’t dance. At least… that’s what he had told her, what seemed both like yesterday and as though it were ages ago. Time could be such a funny thing, but then that simple thought was almost enough to make her snicker and roll her eyes. Time was far more than just that, and didn’t it figure that she’d never have given it another thought before him. Just like so many other things, where her simple view of the world… of the universe, if she was honest, had shifted. Altered in a way that was beyond all of the explanations that Rose Tyler could have hoped to come up with. He could have probably explained it, hell she was rather certain that he could babble on about just such a thing for hours. Days, even. If she let him. Only… they _had_ danced. That same day, after he had spent so much time blathering on about it, just to soothe his affronted pride when she snidely suggested that he didn’t have the moves. They had laughed and twirled and Jack had rolled his eyes and laughed along with them.

  
They had been happy, all three of them. Happy and safe after their time in the Blitz, and blissfully unaware of what would soon take place. Unaware of the Daleks that would come. Of the hardships and the pain and… the loss. He had sent her away, and even knowing that he had done it to save her had hurt, it had _hurt_ and she couldn’t deny that it still hurt in spite of understanding why. The ‘why’ didn’t change what had happened, it didn’t take away the memories and it wouldn’t banish the shadows that seemed to linger in her mind regardless of what she did to push them away. There was a part of her mind that had been hazy, suffused in golden light that she only halfway remembered. At least… only halfway remembered at first. Those first few days after the Doctor had regenerated into the man he was now, Rose had been forced to accept that whatever had happened after she and her mother - with Mickey’s help, of course - had used the tow truck to wrench open the console of the Tardis in her desperate bid to get back to the Doctor would remain a mystery. To save him from his ridiculous sacrifice that he had been so hell-bent on, she had done…. Something. Something that she couldn’t remember but that she knew had been important. More than that, it had been life-changing for both of them. Him in the far more obvious way, what with the regeneration into tall, lanky and wild-haired.

  
But it had changed her too, in ways that she barely understood. The memories came back slowly, little slivers and flashes at a time. The glowing golden heart of the Tardis, the words… Bad Wolf, she knew them like they were a part of her now, the Daleks disintegrating around her at her command. And… the Doctor. Pleading with her, begging her to let go of whatever power that she had, telling her that it would destroy her, burn her up from the inside. But she hadn’t cared about that, all she had cared about was _him_. Keeping him safe. Her Doctor. And she had, but at what cost? Rose knew that he had no intention of telling her exactly what had happened. Oh, she’d managed to get a basic story out of him, but his simple ‘you looked into the time vortex, you’re lucky I’m so clever that I was able to take it out of you before it did any damage’ was lacking in a few key things. Some of which he knew; that he had kissed her in order to do that. She had to wonder what he would say if he knew that she’d remembered that, hazy though it was. Some of which she knew; that despite his removal of the power, it had already changed her. That had been evident to Rose when she’d casually replied to the gentle humming whisper of the Tardis in her head. The ship was telepathic, she’d known that from the start, else how could she translate for Rose otherwise. But that was the first time she had actually communicated with the sodding box and it had startled her so much that she’d nearly choked on her tea to hear that gentle nudging laughter in her head. Honestly, if it had happened more frequently she would have said something to the Doctor but for some niggling reason she didn’t think he would take the news well and it was actually a little bit of a lark to be able to share snide little comments with the Tardis when he went off on one of his babbling tirades. Almost like having a girlfriend onboard to pal around with. And every time she entertained the idea of bringing it up to him, he would come blazing into the room with that grin on his face and whisk her off onto another adventure on some other planet where dogs had no noses or people walked with their ears or something else. And the thought of her occasionally enhanced connection to the Tardis went back into the proverbial bin in her brain along with so many other things. Which brought her back to her current predicament; on an alien planet, at some kind of festival… .dancing with the Doctor.

  
**_You know I want you_**  
**_ It's not a secret I try to hide_**

  
Things had started out normally enough - well, normally for them, which was seldom anywhere close to the Webster’s definition - with his exuberance as he had sent them spinning through the Vortex and onto a new destination. This one a planet with gorgeous purple skies and black-sanded beaches. Honestly, she wondered sometimes if he realized how much of a closeted romantic he really was, what with some of the places he chose. Not that romance had been at all in his calculations. Not when it came to her, regardless of the emotions she sometimes swore she could see simmering behind those chocolate eyes when he thought she wasn’t looking. No, the draw for him had apparently been the kangaroos with their little fanciful butterfly wings. At least, they looked like kangaroos to Rose, so she had filed them away as such. Along with the other life on this planet that was whimsically faerie-like. And wasn’t it just her luck that they arrived in the midst of some sort of celebration. A lantern-lit festival with dancing and delicacies and for once nobody chasing them off the planet or shooting at them or informing them that she’d somehow betrothed herself to the grand duke of pancake by picking up the glove he had accidentally dropped. It was just…. A party.

  
And so she’d let herself just enjoy it, smirking inwardly at how the Tardis always seemed to somehow know even before the Doctor did what they’d be involved in. At least, she had to assume that was the reason that all of her clothes had vanished out of her room and the only thing left in the wardrobe for her to put on was the little black dress spangled with glittery stardust. Whatever the reason, it had been worth the look on the Doctor’s face when she’d come out in it and she’d caught a hint of the Tardis’ laughter at the way his eyes bugged and his jaw dropped before she had innocently shrugged and declared that it was the only thing left in the wardrobe and she wasn’t about to go wandering around in naught but her knickers. And she’d been right, this was fun. And she’d actually managed to coax him into dancing with her a little bit, before he’d been distracted by the fact that the table full of food sported purple - yes, _purple_ \- bananas and made a beeline for them. She wasn’t about to get between the Doctor and a banana, so she’d just laughed and danced on her own until someone had cut in and grabbed her hand, twirling her into another energetic dance while she laughed and enjoyed herself.

  
And then...everything had changed. The song had changed, the music slowing down and her new partner - he was definitely good looking, what the Doctor’s older self would have called a 'pretty boy' - smiled and drew her in closer to him for an obvious slow dance. Or, he would have had he not been suddenly dragged off by the back of his shirt collar and replaced by that familiar lanky body in brown pinstripes. And she’d lost it then, lost herself in the intensity in those dark eyes as his palm slid against her bare back and pulled her flush against him, barely even able to gasp his name in a surprised whisper before they were moving again, in time with the music.

  
** _ I know you want me_ **   
** _ So don't keep saying our hands are tied_ **

  
He had lost his mind. Gone mental, around the bend, lost his marbles, become a complete nutter. That had to be the reason why he’d just stalked over to that…. That _pretty boy_ dancing with Rose and hauled the sod away from her. It was the only explanation for why he was holding her so damned close, nuzzling her hair as they danced. Oh, there were plenty of reasons why he would _want_ to do just that, and he’d thank the Tardis if she kept her snide remarks to herself, he wasn’t _stupid_. But he _had_ to have suffered a serious mental break to have actually _did_ it instead of silently seething at the audacity of the other man to dare and touch _his_ Rose. Sucking in a shaky breath, he mentally chastised himself for the loss of control.

  
_Down, boy… you know better than that._

  
It would have been so much easier if she were someone else. Anyone else but his pink and yellow girl, with her laughing eyes and her boundless faith in him and the way she lit up his entire universe with her smile. He’d been a goner for her from… hell, probably from the first time he had grabbed her hand and told her to run and she’d laced her fingers with his without question. Oh, he had denied it to himself, argued and scoffed and reminded himself that he was a Time Lord and Time Lords didn’t _do_ things like falling in love with a human girl. But all the denials in the known universe didn’t change the way his hearts skipped when she smiled at him or the way his breath caught whenever she did that infuriatingly sexy thing where she chewed on her bottom lip and made him wonder what she would do if he chewed on it instead.

  
**_You claim it's not in the cards_**  
**_ Fate is pulling you miles away_**  
**_ And out of reach from me_**

  
Things had been complicated enough before she had gone and risked her life to save his, and she didn’t even know how much more complicated she had gone and made them. That image was still burned into his mind, the Tardis doors opening on her familiar figure. The golden glow limning her gorgeous form and turning her into something out of his fantasies until he had realized just why that glow had been there. And then the crushing terror at the knowledge of what she had done, the panic as he begged and pleaded with her to let it go, that it wasn’t worth it, that she would _die_. He could still remember her words as she had explained that she wanted him safe. She wanted _her_ Doctor safe. That simple little possessive word had _done_ things to him, things he had ruthlessly shoved back into the recesses of his mind where they couldn’t do any harm to her. But he’d allowed himself one guilty pleasure; that kiss. Because while yes, it had enabled him to remove the energy of the Time Vortex from her, that wasn’t the only way he could have done so. There were at least a dozen other methods he could have used but the selfish core of him had known that taking it into himself would cause a regeneration and had been unwilling to lose potentially the only chance for that closeness. She didn’t know anything, wouldn’t understand when he suddenly became someone else and he’d known there was a good chance he would lose her then. And so he had acted, pressing his mouth to hers and drawing the shimmering golden light out of her as he guiltily savoured the simple touch of her lips on his for that briefest of moments.

  
She didn’t remember it, of course. That fact had also made it a little bit easier to justify the decision to himself as she had collapsed in his arms and he had gently scooped her up to carry her into the Tardis. If she didn’t remember it, then he could salve his guilt and file the memory away as the small treasure that it was to him. There would be no need to explain it to her, to try and come up with a reasonable excuse that she would believe - though he could have always just told her that was the only way to save her life - and that he could deliver without giving himself away. So he had given her the bare bones of the situation, what she had done and that he had brilliantly fixed it all and everything would be fine.

  
**_But you're here in my heart_**  
**_ So who can stop me if I decide_**  
**_ That you're my destiny?_**

  
But oh, it was so much more complicated than that. The realization hit when she was still reeling over his regeneration, trying to come to terms with the idea that he was still the same man in spite of it all. That even if he had gone from big ears and leather jacket and blue eyes to lanky and wild-haired and not ginger - he was still slightly sore over that - he was still the same on the inside. Still the same Doctor that she had trusted and traveled with. He’d known it was difficult to her, and it had cut deep to hear the unspoken plea for him to change back to the man that she knew. It had been a rejection of his very self, even if he understood that it was a thought borne out of fear and a lack of understanding. And god, at that moment if he could have changed himself back for her, he would have. But it was only after he had slipped off to the Tardis to find some clothes that hadn’t been donated by Jackie, after they had dealt with the Sycorax and he was alone...that his mind had screeched to a horrified grinding halt as the reality slammed into him; she hadn’t _voiced_ that sentiment. He had heard it in her _mind_, had _felt_ her fear and sorrow and anguish as she tried to come to terms with how he had changed.

  
**_What if we rewrite the stars?_**  
**_ Say you were made to be mine_**  
**_ Nothing could keep us apart_**  
**_ You'd be the one I was meant to find_**

  
Oh no, that _couldn’t_ be right, he _had_ to have been mistaken because Rose_ wasn’t_ telepathic and unless he had been reaching, unless he had been _trying_ then there shouldn’t have been any way for him to pick up on her thoughts like that. The Tardis had hummed softly at him, slipping him a possibility that he flat out refused to even consider because it would have been the absolute worst outcome he could conceive of. But she persisted, stubborn git that she often was, and he had finally relented and turned his attentions towards his own head just to shut her up. Only to feel both hearts drop into his chucks as his mental search found exactly what he had dreaded; a fledgling telepathic bond where there hadn’t been one before. Where there shouldn’t have been one now, and he clapped a palm to his face with an anguished groan.

  
_No, no, no, no, NO! Stupid, stupid sodding idiot git, what have you done…?_

  
**_It's up to you, and it's up to me_**  
**_ No one can say what we get to be_**

  
There was no need to reach out for that wispy connection to confirm; he knew what he would find at the other end of it and he shot the Tardis a dirty look as a faint whispered giggle echoed through his mind. This was not amusing and he couldn’t believe she found it to be so.

  
_Find it funny, do you? How about having all your left-hand consoles dismantled, do you find that funny? Sod off if you aren’t going to be helpful._

  
There was the faintest giggle again before a wave of apologetic emotion suffused him and he felt some of the anger dissipate at her attempted comfort. Besides...it wasn’t the _Tardis’_ fault, not really. Yes, she had probably conspired on some level to help Rose save him in the way that she had, but it hadn’t been the Tardis that had kissed Rose. Hadn’t been his beloved blue box that had foolishly allowed himself that closeness without taking precautions and that had now dumped himself into this predicament. No, he had only himself to blame and he leaned against the console as he struggled to figure out how to manage things now.

  
Telling Rose was out of the question entirely, and even if he had wanted to tell her, how the bloody hell was he supposed to go about doing that? _‘Well Rose, you see all Time Lords have the capacity to form a telepathic bond with another mind over the course of their life, it’s the most intimate connection that they can have with another, a one-time only deal and, funny thing is it’s akin to a marriage because it binds two minds together for all eternity and wouldn’t you know it but I accidentally did that for us, isn’t that a lark?’_ Yeah, that would go over really well. Not because he doubted how she felt about him, but because telling her what he had accidentally done would strip away all of his defenses, all of the walls that kept both of them safe from himself. Besides, she hadn’t reacted well to the knowledge that the Tardis was in her mind, how would she react to knowing that he had access now?

  
So he had resolved himself to ignoring it. That had to be the easiest, safest answer. Rose wasn’t telepathic, not like he was, so she likely wouldn’t notice anything different. _She_ wouldn’t feel that dull ache in the back of her mind, that gnawing emptiness that would now be a part of his forever. And that...was something he could live with. Something that he _deserved_ after all that he had done, all the blood on his hands and the darkness in his soul. That longing and aching would be all his to carry, that burden his alone, and he would do everything in his power to keep it from her.

  
Or that had been his argument to himself. But it was proving far more difficult than he would have ever expected. Not even just squashing the instinct to reach out to her mind with a gentle caress when he felt her sadness, crushing the curiosity to know what she was thinking on those occasions he caught her staring at him out of the corner of his eye. It was a Herculean effort to keep his hands to himself, even more than it had been before and not just because this body was so much more _tactile_ than his last one. More than once he caught himself reaching out to touch, to hold and caress and only just managed to subtly change it to a more friendly gesture. A squeeze to her hand, a pat on the shoulder, a friendly arm around the shoulders while he gave into the guilty pleasure of just being that close to her and easing some of the never-ending ache that permeated every cell of his being. But while he had managed to get a hold on_ those_ instincts - that was what they were, superiour Time Lord biology be damned - it was the possessive ones that caught him off guard. The red surge of jealousy as that twat had dared to try and get too familiar with _his_ Rose, and he hadn’t even realized he was moving until his hand had been on the man’s collar and he’d yanked him off and shoved him away to grab Rose up into his own embrace.

  
**_So why don't we rewrite the stars?_**  
**_ Maybe the world could be ours_**  
**_ Tonight_**

  
And now here they were. In the middle of a dance floor, her wrapped up in his arms far too tightly for anything to be remotely called friendship and he wasn’t even sure how he knew the dance steps - he wasn’t paying any attention and neither was Rose - and his one hand was on the back of her neck as they moved together and _dammit_ now he knew why he could so easily dance to this. Of course, of all the ruddy songs they could pick to be playing, they pick an old Gallifreyan love song. The universe really liked to shit on him, he was getting more and more convinced of that as he tried to argue against the part of himself howling at how _easy_ it would be to give in right now. Her lips were so close to his, he could feel her breath on his skin and all he had to do was dip his head just a fraction.

  
**_You think it's easy_**  
**_ You think I don't want to run to you_**

  
Her breath had caught when he had first grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, but now time itself seemed to be standing still around them somehow as Rose clung to the Doctor and let herself get lost in the darkness of his eyes. There was something different, something there that wasn’t new but was somehow...clearer than it had been before. As if veils had been stripped away and somehow they were closer even than they physically were right now. She didn’t know this song, had never heard it at all and somehow she knew the dance steps. Knew that it was a song from his past, an ancient ballad he had heard before and how the hell she knew that was a mystery but there was just a sense of certainty to the thought that she didn’t question it. Nor did she question the fact that she knew he was fighting with something, waging some sort of internal war with himself and God she hoped it had to do with the way he was looking at her, the way he was holding her, as though there were some sort of taught string that was so close to snapping and if she could just figure out how to break it those walls would come tumbling down.

  
_**But there are mountains**_  
_** And there are doors that we can't walk through**_

  
He could feel it, feel her anticipation, her hope and the way she was almost holding her breath and searching for something in his gaze and the Doctor ground his teeth together with an inward scream of frustration. He couldn’t be doing this, this was tempting fate and even his control wouldn’t last forever but he couldn’t make himself let go of her as the song rose to its crescendo. The end of the song… that would be his escape, and then things would go back to the way they had been before and he would tuck the memories away with so many others where they belonged and where they couldn’t do her any harm.

  
_ ** I know you're wondering why** _   
_ ** Because we're able to be** _   
_ ** Just you and me** _   
_ ** Within these walls** _

  
He could feel her tremble against him as he pulled her even closer, giving into the selfish desire to satisfy his own craving for her as he nuzzled his face into her hair and whispered -- though only in his mind -- a single sentence in Gallifreyan to her;_ I love you, Rose._ Pulling back as the last few notes hung in the air, he swallowed hard as he felt her lean in, mere millimeters separating her lips from his, hoping and praying equally that she would close that distance and that she would pull away before his hearts nearly stopped as he heard her faint whisper. “I love you too.”

  
**_But when we go outside_**  
**_ You're going to wake up and see that it was hopeless after all_**

  
Panic bloomed along every nerve ending as he jerked back, eyes widening. There was no way she should have heard him, much less understood what he had said - the Tardis didn’t translate Gallifreyan, she never had - and the mixture of hurt and confusion in Rose’s eyes was too much as he tore away and fled. No, no, _no_, he had mucked it up somehow and _oh god_ how had she heard him much less understood him, it wasn’t possible he had kept that thought in his own mind and been so so careful not to project it to her. Stumbling into the Tardis, he leaned against the console, ignoring the soft humming of concern as she tried to comfort him.

  
“How? How did she even hear that, how did she understand? Was it you? Did you do that somehow? I swear, if you did...”

  
His tone turned accusatory even as the Tardis projected a mixture of innocence and affrontory that he would actually think she had done anything of the sort. With a sigh and an apologetic caress, he dragged his mind together enough to rationalize that Rose would likely be following him after he had left her that way and if he wanted to avoid dealing with things then he would do well to hole himself up in his room for awhile.

  
**_No one can rewrite the stars_**  
**_ How can you say you'll be mine?_**  
**_ Everything keeps us apart_**  
**_ And I'm not the one you were meant to find_**

  
Rose stood there in stunned silence for a moment, watching as the Doctor disappeared into the crowd of people and she tried to process what had just happened. What had just happened anyway? They’d been dancing - ohh, how they’d been dancing, it had been like something out of a fairytale - and then he had pulled her even closer and whispered into her hair. She had heard his voice, faint and thready somehow but clear as a bell.

  
_I love you, Rose._

  
And her heart had skipped a beat, tears pricking at her eyes because she’d never thought he would actually _say_ it, actually acknowledge what she somehow just _knew_ in the depths of her heart and her mind. So of course when it had seemed that he was about to finally do what she’d been hoping and waiting for him to do and actually kiss her, she’d returned the sentiment. Expecting… well, she wasn’t sure what she was expecting but it definitely _hadn’t_ been the reaction she’d gotten. Panic, that was the only way to define it. Sheer panic as he’d jerked back like she’d burned him, staring at her with abject horror in his eyes and her heart had plummeted and cracked as she realized that somehow she must have gotten it wrong. Gotten it wrong or been too stupid to realize that whatever he might feel there was no way in the universe that he would ever actually allow anything like that to happen between them.

  
_**It's not up to you**_  
_** It's not up to me**_  
_** When everyone tells us what we can be**_

  
Her first reaction was the tears that welled up and threatened to spill over and Rose defiantly dashed them away as she clenched her teeth against a sob. No, she could cry later. There would be plenty of time for that, because the chances that anything would change were slim to none, but right now… he owed her an explanation. Even if he had no intention of ever letting anything happen between them, he had feelings for her. She’d _felt_ them, like a shadow in the back of her mind and if nothing else she deserved to know why she’d been able to feel them. How she’d known without question that those words were true even if he denied them until the stars fell from the sky. She felt the Tardis purr in her mind and that only bolstered her determination that there was something going on that he wasn’t telling her. Something that had to do with more than just whether he wanted to snog her or not.

  
**_How can we rewrite the stars?_**  
**_ Say that the world can be ours_**  
**_ Tonight_**

  
When Rose returned to the Tardis, the Doctor was nowhere in sight but it was a simple matter of inquiry to the ships consciousness to figure out where he was as the Tardis showed her an image of his familiar brown-suited form curled up into a miserable ball in one of the comfy chairs in the library over a mug of tea. On her way to confront him, Rose contemplated stopping by her room and changing out of the dress with it’s stardusted shine but decided against it in case she lost her nerve. Besides, she was fairly certain that if she stepped into her room that would only end with her burying her face into her pillow and crying herself to sleep. Which wouldn’t get either of them anywhere.

  
_**All I want is to fly with you**_  
_** All I want is to fall with you**_  
_** So just give me all of you**_

  
She was miserable. And not just because he knew Rose and knew her well enough to know that it was a good bet she was either crying or hopping mad at him. He almost would have preferred that, and given the miasma of tangled emotions he was feeling in subtle flashes over the shadow bond, it seemed that he might get his wish. For all that he was the one dubbed the oncoming storm, that was just what Rose felt like as he sensed her bright presence stalking through the Tardis hallways. In search of him, no doubt, and he steeled himself for the inevitable as the door to the library opened softly. She was still in that same dress, that damned sexy concoction of black chiffon and silvery stardust that made her look as though she were wearing the whole damned universe that he knew the Tardis had cooked up just as a jab at him and he ruthlessly shoved down the sudden thought of how much better it would look balled up on the floor of his bedroom. Not the time, not the place and useless to boot.

  
“What’s useless to boot?” She asked as the faint words - well more the sense of the words - flitted across her mind and Rose cocked her head as he somehow managed to look even more panicked. If that were possible. “Doctor… what’s going on?”

  
**_It feels impossible (it's not impossible)_**  
**_ Is it impossible?_**  
**_ Say that it's possible_**

  
She cut off his stumbling words with a shake of her head. “I’m not talking about whether you want to kiss me or not, or anything like that. I think I’m pretty clear on your thoughts about that, Doctor. I want to know what’s going on with me. What aren’t you telling me? I know there’s something, and I know it has to do with Bad Wolf.” Her own words were surprising, coming from nowhere, the thought not even having occurred to her but now that it had been voiced there was a rightness to it. An undeniable truth that she’d been unable to see. “What did it do to me, Doctor?”

  
_**How do we rewrite the stars?**_  
_** Say you were made to be mine?**_  
_** Nothing can keep us apart**_  
_** 'Cause you are the one I was meant to find**_

  
Well that… wasn’t quite what he had expected. And that was almost harder to deal with, because there wasn’t a way that he could easily get out of it and run. Swallowing hard, he cast his gaze around the library, focused on anything other than her, hoping that he could just babble something to her and that she would go with it and he could drop the issue and go back to normal. But he underestimated his pink and yellow girl as she swiftly closed the distance and grabbed his tie to yank his head around to face her, brown eyes red-rimmed and determined. “Stop it, Doctor. I know that look, and I know that’s you trying to find a convenient excuse so you don’t have to really answer me. It changed me, didn’t it? That’s why I’m different. That’s why… I feel like I sometimes know what you’re thinking. What you’re feeling. Because the Tardis does and somehow… I’m able to pick up on that more, I guess?”

  
_**It's up to you**_  
_** And it's up to me**_  
_** No one can say what we get to be**_

  
Damn… she’d actually… come up with it on her own. Well, not entirely the truth but close enough that he could just go with it and that would solve so much of this. Ignoring the Tardis’ disapproving hum in his mind, he swallowed and tried to come up with a suitable explanation that would support what she had said. Only to stammer to silence as she pressed a fingertip gently to his mouth and continued speaking.

  
“I know how you took the Time Vortex out of me, Doctor. I remember it, and… I’m sorry. It was silly of me to think that...it might have meant something more than just that.” She gave a forced chuckle and a shrug. “Daft, isn’t it? I mean, I’m just a silly ape and you’re a fancy brilliant Time Lord, and I shouldn’t have…” He could see her swallowing back the tears she didn’t want him to see, and the valiant way she was trying to deny her own feelings to save his cowardly self from having to even face his own… shamed him. Rassilon's ghost, was that really what she thought he felt? That he saw her as so little? The notion hurt, the half-formed bond in his mind aching at the injustice of his having made her feel so unimportant to him. Without a thought, he found himself reaching up to tenderly cup her cheek in his palm, thumb brushing away some of the tears as he gulped back nerves and finally spoke.

  
“That’s… that’s not true, Rose. You’re far more than a silly ape and… you’re right, I should have told you. But… it’s more than just the Tardis, Rose. It’s… _me_.”

  
**_And why don't we rewrite the stars?_**  
**_ Changing the world to be ours_**

  
Rose had been ready to let go, ready to tuck her feelings deep inside and lock them up where they could do no more harm. To try and go back to normal, how they had been before, even if her heart broke a little more every day that she would have to pretend they were nothing more than mates. Just friends, best friends who traveled together. But that seemed to be what he needed and she was willing to make that sacrifice for him. But then he had laid his warm palm against her cheek and it had been second nature to turn her face into it and close her eyes to savour even just that small bit of closeness that he would give her. He was just trying to make her feel better, that was so like him, but his words made her pause as she opened her eyes again with a frown.

  
“You? What do you mean…. It’s you?”

  
Something about the way he said it, the unspoken gravity in the simple words had her almost holding her breath, realizing that this was the prelude to him opening up to her and she was afraid to say more in case she spooked him and he shut her out again. Her hand that had been wrapped around his tie slipped up to cover the one of his against her cheek in what she hoped was a comforting and supporting gesture as she settled down onto the arm of the chair beside him.

  
“Tell me… please?”

  
**_You know I want you_**  
**_ It's not a secret I try to hide_**  
**_ But I can't have you_**  
**_ We're bound to break and my hands are tied_**

Both of his hearts were hammering against his chest as she covered his hand with hers, his mind reaching blindly for the comfort that she wordlessly provided and filling him with a new rush of shame at the way he continuously shut her out. She who by all rights of the bond was his lifelong mate. But then, what was he but a coward who always ran away. Even from this, and he drew a ragged breath before he began to speak softly, in a halting tone.

  
“You’re right. About...how I removed the Time Vortex from your body. I didn’t think you remembered it, and I… after I regenerated, you were so unsure about me that it just seemed… wrong to tell you. I didn’t realize at the time…. That is, I didn’t mean to…. Rose, I’m sorry but I ...”

  
Oh that was great, now he was just reducing himself to a stammering, bumbling idiot and he gritted his teeth before just spitting out the words before they died on his tongue. “I bound our minds together, Rose.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he was staring at the floor just waiting for the rejection he was certain was inevitable. Rose’s eyes widened in shock as she tried to digest what he had just admitted to, pieces falling into place as it finally began to all make sense.

  
“So… that’s why I can hear the Tardis now…. And why I can sometimes feel what you’re thinking…. Because of that.” Okay, that would take a bit of getting used to, and she could understand why he felt guilty as hell about it given the way she had reacted to knowing the Tardis was in her head, but one thing still didn’t make sense. “But… why would you do that, Doctor?” He tensed and she knew that this was the central point of all of this. The heart of the matter and the reason for why he was being so out of sorts about it. Bringing up her other hand, she gently turned his face back towards hers. “I’m not angry, just… explain it to me?”

  
Well, she wasn’t angry now but he didn’t know if he’d be willing to bet on how that would go once he’d finished explaining things to her. But the walls were in shambles and he couldn’t lie to her. Not when she looked at him with that pleading yet patient expression, as though she understood so well how difficult it was for him to address any of this. Leaning slightly into her touch, he nodded. “Okay… Okay. Just… be patient with me? As to the ‘why’... It was an accident, honestly. You know Time Lords are a telepathic race, well they also like to consider themselves advanced beyond such things as baser instincts and the like. Very stuck up, and really quite boring honestly. But anyways as I was saying; telepathic. There is… it’s… well, it only happens once and…. It’s an instinct. Yes, I think that’s probably the easiest way to explain it. An instinct that hasn’t entirely been bred out, and I just… I wasn’t thinking, I was just…”

  
“Feeling?” She supplied helpfully, unable to contain a little bit of amusement at the way he flushed and cleared his throat. “Yes, well… all Time Lords are capable of creating a telepathic bond with one other. It’s a very…… ahem… intimate thing, and…. Well once completed it binds the two minds together completely. No secrets, never alone again, always together….. And it’s not something you share with just anybody, because it’s permanent. Forever. So it’s usually only done in… certain instances and there needs to be a certain amount of emotional connection there for it to even be possible, and...” She listened as the tone of his rambling voice grew almost wistful, starting to guess where this was going. “Are you saying it’s marriage for Time Lords, Doctor? That you basically married me to take the Time Vortex out of me?”

  
His face blanched and then turned crimson and that was as good an answer as any to her question. Expression turning sour, Rose pulled back her other hand and slapped him hard across the cheek. “You bloody idiot GIT!” Following that, she grabbed the lapels of his jacket and yanked him in to smash her lips against his. Bloody idiot Time Lord, was he really so dense?

  
That was more the reaction he had been expecting/fearing - the slap, at least - but the sudden kiss caught the Doctor completely off guard and his eyes shot open before instincts took over and they slipped closed again with a moan as he relaxed into the kiss. Slotting his mouth against hers and pressing back as the tip of her tongue teased his lips open and he willingly gave her access. His respiratory bypass nearly kicked in when he remembered that Rose would need to breathe and pulled back. She was gasping for breath, eyes sparking with righteous fury even though she refrained from hitting him again.

  
Swallowing back the urge to dive back in for another proper snog, she fixed him with a glare. “I can’t _believe_ you. So let me get this straight. You went and _married_ me and you were just going to what? Keep it to yourself? Did you never think how_ I_ might have felt about that, you idiot?! _That’s_ why you’ve been acting all weird, isn’t it? You sodding git, you _did_ say you loved me, that was in your _head_!” Oh, I should hit you again for running off like that!” She swung at him and he caught her hand to pull her against him with a sigh. “Yes, I’m an arsehole and I deserve that but if you stop hitting me I promise I will really explain it all…. Please, Rose? Just…. Give me a chance? I don’t deserve one, but…. Please?”

  
He could feel some of her anger dissipate and silently thanked Rassilon that she was giving him the chance that he didn’t deserve, the chance to make right what he was just realizing he had done so wrong. But first… he wrapped arms around her, standing up and scooping her with him to the sound of her surprised squeak as she clung to him. “You can’t honestly be comfortable like that, come on.” He nodded towards the slightly bigger loveseat on the other side of the library, allowing himself a slight grin as he raised an eyebrow. “Though if you really want to keep sitting in my lap, I won’t stop you.”

  
As adorable as his attempted flirting was, she wasn’t entirely in the mood for it and Rose snorted at him. “If that’s an attempt at another snog, you can forget it until you explain yourself, Doctor.” Even though her body betrayed her in it’s enjoyment of the closeness and the feeling of being snuggled up against his chest. But she wasn’t going to give in that easily and she slipped out of his lap to sit beside him before fixing him with an expectant look. “Alright, start explaining. From the _beginning_, Doctor. I know you.”

  
He couldn’t deny that yes, she honestly did. Especially as he could feel her presence even more in the back of his mind. Reaching for her hand, he considered it a silent victory when she let him take it and twine his fingers through hers. “The beginning…. Well, that’s a bit tough because there are a few beginnings but I think I know what you want to hear. So as I said, telepathic bond. You’re right, it’s the equivalent of marriage for Time Lords, because it’s such an intimate sharing. It isn’t just knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling. It’s… it’s being one mind together as opposed to being two separate entities. Complete sharing and learning each other. The most intimate connection that it’s possible to have. It wasn’t something to be taken lightly, which is part of the reason why over generations so much of our… well, I guess you could call them baser instincts were bred out of us. Why children are created by Looming rather than the usual way, for instance. Because a Bond is permanent. When one breaks, the pain is enough to drive one mad. Some even die from it. So it’s not something to just go diving into. Which, I know you’re wondering why I did. Well… honestly, I didn’t even think about it. I was just...thinking about you. About… how I couldn’t lose you. About how…” He stammered on the words and Rose found herself reaching out to cover their clasped hands with her other one. “It’s okay, Doctor… You can tell me. I already know, I just… I want to hear it. I _need_ to hear it.”

  
She deserved to hear it, and he nodded as he sucked in a deep breath before fastening his eyes on hers. “How I love you more than life itself. You are my universe, Rose Tyler, and I would destroy realities and time itself to keep you with me. You are the light in my darkness, the hope when I have none and it scares the hell out of me how much you mean to me because I know that one day I’m going to lose you and I… I don’t know how I’ll be able to live knowing that.” His voice deepened, gaining a ragged quality as he squeezed her hand tighter, the words tumbling out in a half sob as though a dam had finally been broken. “I’m a coward, Rose. Always running, not just from responsibility but from anything that threatened to hurt too much. Running from emotion, from closeness. That’s why I left Sarah Jane, why I ran away from the Time War, why… I’ve been running from you. Because I’m afraid of how much it’s going to hurt to lose you. I thought I could just...ignore it. You aren’t telepathic, the Bond wouldn’t hurt you the same way it does me, and I could live with that. I could live with the emptiness, that gnawing in the back of my head knowing that I’d be protecting _you_ from it, but oh Rose I was so wrong… I can _feel_ it, feel how you feel about me and… Rose, I’m not worthy of that. I’ve done so many things, I… I don’t deserve that kind of happiness, love.”

  
As determined as she had been to stay angry at him, he sounded so much like a lost little boy that Rose couldn’t hang onto the frustrations. Reaching for him, she pulled his head against her chest with a soft soothing murmur, shocked as he suddenly clung to her with another sob. She’d never seen him cry, but something soft in her mind - the Tardis, she thought it was - whispered that he’d needed this for a long time, far longer than perhaps even _he_ realized and she just let him cry in her arms, doing her best to wordlessly comfort him and reassure him that she was here. That she wasn’t going to leave him, not ever. She’d promised him forever and even if her forever was so much shorter than his, that didn’t change her mind in the slightest.

  
_Till death do us part, right? For better and for worse and all that rot._

  
She thought to herself, trying to make it so that he could hear her subtle jest at the fact that if what he had told her was true...she was essentially his wife now. His grip on her tightened slightly and she thought she could almost feel a hint of amusement from that spot in the back of her mind that she now understood was him. Eventually he relaxed against her for a moment before pulling back to cup her face in his hands and just stare at her. He felt somehow lighter, as though a weight had been lifted and there was no doubt that he had her to thank for that once again. Saving him from the darkness within himself. “Rose Tyler…. You are brilliant, have I told you that? Nothing in the universe compares to you in the slightest. And yes… I guess if we decided to be technical you _are_ my... “ he swallowed, almost choking on the word. “Wife…. That is ...if you want it. The Bond isn’t completed, you can still change your mind, you can still-” She cut him off with another decisive kiss, pulling back to shake her head. “I want. I don’t completely understand it, but… it’s part of_ you_, and I want you. I don’t care if my life is so much shorter than yours, that just means I don’t want to miss a single moment with you. It’s worth it, Doctor. _You_ are worth it.”

  
He didn’t have words for how much her words humbled him and the only real way that he could convey that - for now, at least - was to pull her into another kiss, dragging her into his lap as he tried to open his mind to her through the fledgling Bond so that she could see his love and devotion, his desire and happiness and the light that she brought to his life. He could feel Rose’s delight at his emotions, feel her trying to reciprocate and he carefully thought to her as he took her hands and gently pressed them to his temples.

  
_Like this, love. I’ll show you how._

  
Mirroring her touch with his own hands, he gently slipped his consciousness into her mind, showing her how to do the same and gasping into their kiss as he felt that gentle touch of her bright light brushing against his mind. It was indescribable and he slowly walked her through the process, gradually pulling down walls and opening doors and letting her in, allowing her light to fill the dark recesses of his psyche as he did the same to hers. Laughing at shared memories, biting back an inward moan at fantasies revealed and reveling in the sense of right that came as the Bond hummed to completion in the center of his being. Gently tempering her shock and surge of guilt when she realized that this was something he was biologically hardwired for and therefore how hard it had been to _not_ have it, to not act on it. It seemed to take both an eternity and an instant before he pulled back from their kiss, his mind pulling back as well. It felt...like nothing he could have imagined, her warmth and love permeating his mind and his self and he knew it was the same for her as she blinked back tears._ I love you, Rose_. He whispered the words, knowing she would hear them but still almost giddy with that knowledge and there was no disguising his delight when her awe and wonder flickered along the Bond along with a return of the sentiment.

  
_I love you, Doctor. And I have a surprise for you… open your eyes._

  
He raised a mental eyebrow at the teasing amusement in her eyes but did as she said only to freeze at the subtle golden glint shining in her eyes. His breath stopped in his chest and panic rose even as she mentally wrapped herself around him to ease it away.

_It’s okay, love. It’s okay. It’s just the Tardis… she was waiting to show me something. Relax._

As difficult as it was, he tried to do as she asked, and his hearts nearly stopped as the knowledge slipped into his mind from Rose’s. No… it couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible, the universe wasn’t that kind, especially not to _him_ and he was desperately yanking out his sonic screwdriver and frantically scanning Rose as she tried to muffle a snort of laughter at his antics. “Don’t believe her, Doctor? You should know she wouldn’t lie to you about something like that. I promised you forever, didn’t I? Well… it looks like we’ll really be able to have that now.” His stunned face was just too adorable and she reached to pull him back into a kiss, taking the screwdriver away from him with a chuckle. _Now, is that really how you want to start what is essentially our wedding night, Doctor? Because I have a few ideas I think you’ll like better._ The mental suggestions were all that he needed to decide that she was quite right, he could verify later that the Tardis was right. That the Time Vortex had changed her in more ways than one and that it turned out he would have his pink and yellow girl for quite a long time after all. Scooping her up into his arms, he shot her a grin as he darted off down the hall.

“I think I love the way your mind works, 'Mrs. Doctor'. I think I do indeed.”


End file.
